Hey yall, it’s FRIYAY!!!
I was going to write today about this AWESOME book that I just finished. Because, yes, that is correct, one book per month is my goal and I am now 2/2. 😀 As I said I was going to….BUT I think this topic needs to be discussed over and over and LOUDER AND LOUDER until it is understood by all.
I use to not even have boundaries or if I did, they were hard for even me to find. I didn’t respect myself enough to expect others too. This was before I started my self love journey and learned so many, many things. This lead to poor choices, toxic relationships, being manipulated by “friends”, employers and even the random kiosk workers at the mall that would tell you anything to sell a product. I thought it was rude to keep walking. I had not learned yet.
Now let’s fast forward from that version of me, through the start to this beautiful self love journey I am still on, to present day.
My boundaries have been tested a few times within the last week. I didn’t know I was onto this lesson of self love but apparently the UNIVERSE decided I was ready for this.
Lesson 1:Old “Friends” can stay in the past
Old version of me would have absolutly accepted that friend request. Time to show off right, time to do some cyber stalking and see what happened with them, because getting sucked into the drama is sooooo juciy.
2021 updated version gave this a lot of thought. I sat with that friend request for days. See this person really hurt me years back. We were best of friends, but the absolute worst of friends to tell the truth. My thought process went something like this. Maybe she has changed, maybe she really wants to appologize for being so cruel, maybe she just wants to chat and catch up. Then I stopped and asked myself these questions.
- Do you want to put your energy into a friendship that was extremly toxic for you in the past?
- Do you even need that appology for your own peace?
I opted to not accept this friend request. I am not allowing past toxicity into my present. Boundary Set. She could be an absolutly lovely human now and I hope that is true. But going down that memory lane is permently closed.
Lesson 2: Ex’s – – – you broke up for a reason
Now I am sure that there are ex’s out there that are best of friends and good for them. But I have learned for myself going cold turkey is an ABSOLUTE must.
Trust me I am aware that I should go to a therapist to discuess a number of topics this being one of them. Put in the comments below how to pick a therapist, I’m genuinally curious.
An ex decided to send me a message, asking how I was. This used to send my head spinning about, ‘oh my goodness what does this mean’, ‘do they finally realize how awesome I am’, ‘do they want to get back together’, ‘what should I do’….
DISGUSTING, REVOLTING, VOMITOUS
It does not matter what it means. It does not matter what they have realized, it does not matter if they want to get back together or not. Here is what I should do…this is what I actually did.
Burn me on a cross, but I did infact respond. The email I had recieved was polite so I did my best to be polite in return but also firm with my boundaries.
I confirmed that yes I was doing good. I then explained that I do not stay in contact with past significant others because it tends to have a negative impact on my future. Then I wished them well.
Lesson 3: Shut Down Inapproriate Conversations
This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I grew up as a tomboy, hanging out with my big brother and wanted nothing more than to be “one of the guys”. So I was included from a pretty young age in “locker room talk”. Throughout high school and college and still to this day some of my best friends are guys. Not much really phases me. I’ve worked in multipule gyms, a bar, a resturant and in customer service for more years than I would like to remember.
Just because it no longer phases me does not make it okay!
The fact that it no longer phases me is defineatly not okay!
I was chatting with an aquintance that I’ve known for many years. One of those people that was around the same group as you but you have never really spent a lot of one on one time with. Well this indiviual and I were having a nice small talk conversation today. I had told him about the book that I had just finsihed. The next question was not small talk, it was not appropriate and we had already previously dicussed that this topic was not okay.
I was close to texting back something along these lines. I am not okay with you crossing my boundaries like this. I don’t appriciate this behavior. We can not remain friends if you continue to disrespect me in this way.
Then I thought about these points.
- Has this person ever really been my friend if this is the type of behavior that is consistantly exibited?
- By responding, am I respecting my own boundaries?
- What energy does this individual bring into my life? Is it positive or negative.
I opted to not respond at all because I do respect myself and I do respect my own boundaries.
I had no idea that this was the self love lesson I was going to have this week. It now has me thinking about what my other boundaries are. I’m still fighting against the internal voice that tells me I can’t be rude. Then the Queen inside of me responds with “If they have the audacity, where is yours?”
Comment below with some boundaries you have set and won’t let others cross. How do you show yourself love? How do you show yourself respect?